Well, first of all, I believe a congratulations are in order.
Congratulations and thanks to the person who left those horrible comments that left me without anything. Without even the will to carry on.
Congratulations because now you know that Nick is likely to be the only Scooby I ever talk to again. I don't know if I can face them anymore. How many of them have seen the blog? How many think like you? Maybe you, the commenter, are the one who enlightened Nick as to the existance of the blog, I don't know.
My secrets, exposed. These are the secrets that I never expected him to find out. They make things awkward, because Nick would never love me, which is why I kept it quiet. It could only lead to confusion and problems.
Congratulations because now you have taken away my only form of release. The only way in which I could tell anyone how I really feel. Absolutely inspired.
Thank you, because now everything is out in the open. There are no more secrets. That is something I have wished for for a long time. I only wish it could have been done slightly more discreetly.
And I still have one more wish. That you, the commentator tell me who you are. I have no wish to talk to you. I shall not seek revenge or retaliation- I'm not that kind of girl. I shall not care. But not knowing, and going through my head cycling through everyone it could be is torture. If that is what you seek, you have succeeded. But I don't think it is. I don't know what your overall mission is. I hope you have succeeded because, through you, I know I can handle what I imagined to be the worst pain in the world. It happened, and I didn't want to go on, but I forced myself too and the things I care most about are still with me. A worst fear- Nick knowing- has come to pass. And I survived. We survived, together. He doesn't hate me, and still talks to me. Thank you for that. I shall not be afraid in future. You gave me that. The knowledge that I can tell people things and it will still be OK.
And Nick is behind me all the way. He consoled me when he saw my tears. He reassured me when he knew I seeked reassurance, when I could only see the bad in myself, and could only see the bad in my past. Because there is bad there, and I regret it. You can't know quite how much. He told me that he never minded picking me up. Just one of the reasons I love him. He always tells me the truth. He is my best friend, because he picked me up from work, told me to stop thinking shit and pull myself together, and fixed my Internet.
I don't know who you are, but bathe in the knowledge that I will find it hard to trust each of the group until I know. And that's hard because I love them all, Dan, Jim, Becky, Tall Dan & Diddy, Tom, Chris, Kelly, Pils, Ash, Matt... and the rest. Every single last one.

But, to those readers who aren't that evil person. Thank for for reading. There is no reason for me to continue now. The secrecy is gone, and I've learnt a hard lesson. It's easier, much easier, just to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I hid behind a succession of masks, pretended I was who I wasn't, had feelings I didn't and vice versa.
Thank you, and Goodbye. I hope I never have to blog again.

Hey guys. It's been quite some time since I wrote, hasn't it? There isn't much to blog about in the summer, short of the usual emotional trauma, driving lessons (which, by the way, are going great) and parties. Did I not blog about my eighteenth, the house party and the evils of drinking? No? Ah well, you'll live. I get home too late to blog, and by the next morning I remember very little of it, plus the fact I now have to share a computer.
Anyway, there was a special reason for this blog.
I was a Scooby. No denying it, I hung around them, I went to their parties, invited each and every one (that I could) to my party and so much more. There was an ulterior motive to start, sure, but now...no. They're my friends.
Were.
Becky has a blog, and she recently wrote about a party that Kelly threw for her eighteenth. One of the most heart-wrenching lines in it was - "All of the Scoobies were there, every single one, except for Hamilton (who is on a boat somewhere being a sailor), and Steven (who was probably having significantly more to drink in an altogether different part of town). We were all together, and we all had fun and nobody fell out with anyone else. Nobody got ignored." and "Even the people who joined the Scoobies later on, like Pils and Diddy, we’ve known for at least two years.". Heart-wrenching stuff, and I sit here in tears wondering when that happened? Wondering why everybody's version of who is a Scooby is different. Because Kelly never liked me, not from the start, and I invited her to my eighteenth and I wanted an invite back and I didn't get one, which I could live with but everyone else was there and they had a great time and I'm so so so sad and I'm just...

They were the first people I classed as real friends. But maybe not. Maybe I've been betrayed, and used, and 'put-up with' once more. Why do I keep falling for it? Why is it that every time, every single fucking time, I'm hurt like this.

I just can't wait for University, so I never have to see these people again, even though Tall Dan and Diddy will be there but I can ignore them, I can and I will and I'll never see Nick again and I'll do that because this pain is so much, so intense I can't deal with it...

Jess x

Well I've had a hectic week. But that means I am far too tired to tell you about driving lessons, evil children, someone elses paperwork, new phones and other crap. So here is a meme, I wouldn't want you feeling bored and lonely now.

Are you female or male: Man, I feel like a woman (Shania Twain)
Describe yourself: Strange (Feeling)
How do some people feel about you: Angel (Aerosmith)
How do you feel about yourself: Questioning the Notion (Daily Planet)
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband: Far, Far Away (Slade)
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband: Non-Existent Nothing (Sash)
Describe where you want to be: Here (In Your Arms) (Hellogoodbye)
Describe what you want to be: Normal Like You (Everclear)
Describe how you live: Alone in a Crowd (Catch 22)
Describe how you love: Forever and For Always (Shania Twain)
Share a few words of wisdom: Time Flies (Johnny Reid)

I have no idea why this didn't post. But it is a blog from yesterday, so here it is.

Well, we shall start off on a high note. Happy eighteenth birthday to me! I am very happy with myself, now able to (legally) buy alcohol and vote. How cool Presents include a MAGNIFICENT chocolate cake, a digital camera, a photo frame with a picture of me and Steph and "Sisters", chocolate, DVDs...all sorts. Nice haul
And another high note- I got BBC in my A-levels (Business, French, Law) and that's enough to get me onto my top choice of Accountancy at Coventry University.
This is where it all goes downhill.
Last night, we decided to have a nice little party, y'know, happy birthday to me and Nick, just going out. So we did.
And we drank.
And we had fun.
And we drank some more.
And we laughed.
And we drank even more.
And we cuddled (MASS ORGY).
And we got totally drunk.
And Nick made out with Emily.
And Vicki was violently ill.
And I had to look after the both of them.
And Nick kissed me on the cheek and the hair and the forehead.
And I fell straight back into love.
And I returned to square one, just as I was getting over him.
And I am a masochist, inviting him over like that.
And Nick said that something was wrong with something...to do with me, and he leant forward.
And Stephanie entered the room.
And I have so many regrets.
And so much sadness.
And I seek only the truth, as I sit here, deep in thought.

I had my first driving lesson today!
I was very nervous, but the guy was nice, and I toodled around Hortonwood at twenty miles an hour!
I'm very proud of myself, by the end of the double lesson I managed to stop smoothly (although it might have been a fluke), pull off (that got worse as I went through the lesson), turn corners (my steering leaves a lot to be desired), overtake, keep my position well (well, ish) and talk AT THE SAME TIME (at one point in French).
I so rule.
I love that Micra.
I am clever bunny.

*finds keys to own Renault Clio*

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I thought:
Oh God. I haven't slept. Damn my drunk friends.

2. Favorite planet?
I dunno, what's the planet furthest away from here that could possibly sustain life? If none, Venus. No men.

3. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Victoria M

4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I only have the default ones. But Ash has this really cool Worms "INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!" one.

5. Do you “label” yourself?
Yes, but it changes depending on my mood.

6. What does your watch look like?
Broken. Only the time mechanism still works.

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Trying to get Vicki to drink water, and Nick to sleep. Never again will I encourage friends to go to the pub then sleep at my house.

8. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Something about A-level results, doubtless.

9. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot?
*caveman grunt*

10. Last furry thing you touched?
Tilly, my tabby cat.

11. Favorite age you have been so far?
Duh, zero. Everyone does stuff for you and you haven't a care in the world.

12. Your worst enemy?
Myself.

13. What is your current desktop picture?
Something cloudy. I don't usually use this computer.

14. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Whatever, I'll go on the computer.

15. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Money. What use would flying be?

16. Are you in love with someone?
Yes. Two. Kill me.

17. The last song you listened to?
Last Summer by the Lost Prophets.

18. What time of day were you born?
12.26am

19. What's your favorite food?
Steak

20. Where did you live in 1984?
I wasn't alive.

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Not jealous, but I feel really really inferior, which leads to envy.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Doubt it! Vicki was last night when I was walking in a straight line and she could barely stand up. Yay for tee-totalling.

23. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
At home.

24. Do you consider yourself kind?
Yeah.

25. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
No tattoo! If I absolutely HAD to... just below my bra strap where no-one would ever see it.

26. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
French. I have an A-level in the subject, but I'd love to be fluent. Or some Oriental or Eastern language.

27. Would you move for the person you loved?
Without a nano-seconds thought.

28. What's your life motto?
Shit happens.

29. What's your favorite town/city?
Paris

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Ooh, that time I complained to Cadbury and got a £10 voucher. About seven years ago!

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Well, I can check it. Then I ask my dad to do it, or Nick.

32. Your first love:
James Wilbert.

33. Do you collect anything?
Memories.

34. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
Er, I went to a posh restaurant with some friends, as a celebration for finishing something major.

35. Have you been burned by love?
Yep.

Dear Nick.
I'm sorry for the past two years. For caring about you, and everything else. I'm sorry that I was the only one to truly comfort you when your heart was broken by Becky. I'm sorry that I'm the one who sticks up for you whenever you need it. I'm sorry that I'm the one who lets you yell at me when it's not I whom you are truly mad at. I'm sorry that I did whatever I could to let you know you had a friend.
Do you know why I am sorry? I am sorry because I truly thought you considered me one of your best friends. It's true, you haven't known me as long as Jim, or Kelly, those lovely people who I thought ranked with me, but since when did that matter?
What brings this on? I can almost see the question forming on your lips. It's because we're going to the pub on the fifteenth, aren't we? And you're getting smashed, aren't you? And where are you sleeping?
At Em's house. A work colleague whom I knew before you could ever imagine her. I'm sorry for thinking you cared enough about me to choose to be with me rather than this girl you've known for a few months, and only that. Yes, I fancy you, but how is this relevant? Do you think I am going to jump on you in the middle of the night? Why, Nick?
You see, practically that's quite silly- we're both setting off together in the morning, and you won't just be able to jump in a car with me. See, you're cutting off your nose to spite your face and I don't even know why.
There is nothing you can say or do to redeem yourself. So many people have betrayed me, people I thought I knew. I thought you might be that one that didn't. Look how wrong I was, you've joined the ranks of those who I truly loved, cared for, would have given my life for and then betrayed me. Just when I'm feeling so low, so insecure, just as I need some support, you betray me.

How could you? You were the one who assured me that part of my life was over. You gave me the people I class as friends. The Twins, Tall Dan, Becky, Chris, the whole gang. Yet you ruin it with your own selfish actions. And I don't think you even admit it to yourself.

Agreed, I can be annoying, clingy (given my past, I think I deserve that), loud...but I'm caring, a good listener, loyal...what's so wrong with me that people keep betraying me Nick?

You promised me Nick. And the promise has been broken.

I passed my theory test Be proud of me! This is the happy thing in my life and the only thing keeping me sane. I did, however, manage to spend an hour wandering around Wolverhampton by myself as my Dad sees a phone as an un-needed accessory and I started early. I left my license there, being so excited about passing, I didn't think about it and skipped merrily out.
This, in turn, lead to Mick (let's stare down Jessica's top Mick) getting it for me and demanding a kiss on the cheek before giving it me back. Bastard.
Last night at Frankie & Bennie's was great, but Nick is giving mixed signals now, and Vicki has admitted to fancying him, complicating my life even more. The fact that she is an idiot (£265 EACH for skydiving, not between us, but I had to work that out, AFTER we'd told Nick) complicates matters with organisation.
I want to go to Tom's party tomorrow, but my friends don't seem to understand the need for organisation- Nick doesn't know what he is doing so I might not be able to catch a lift with him (he doesn't know if he is taking the goddamn car even) and Tom doesn't know who is attending his own house party.
James is being so nice to me and even in a crowd I feel so lonely because I need him next to me (then guilty because I like Nick) and I miss him so much. He's going to the military soon and what am I going to do without him knowing every minute he's stationed is another minute he could be killed and I'd never know. I know he can take care of himself but St Louis is different to a war-torn country, with bombs everywhere even if it is the most dangerous city in the entire US.
Victoria is demanding to know where I am every minute of every day and is acting like I am her only friend- just because New College ain't good enough for you girl, talk to your fucking friends in Bridgnorth, I have enough on my plate right this second.
I want to cry, but can't because I'd be overheard.
I want to sleep, but can't because sleep never comes easily and now even less than ever, even though I am exhausted.

*sniffles and yawns alternately*

Yeah, it's been a long time since I blogged. This coincides with a complete lack of anything except work, which you, I am sure, would not find interesting to read. 12 days without a day off means my social life isn't great!
Anywho, back to the topic at hand. I went down the pub today (as is my habit on a Monday). It was good fun, as it always is, but especially tonight.
It all started when we (read me and Victoria) went to pick up Nick (so he could drink). We got a little bit stuck...such as Victoria trying to drive off in third at the gyratory. Idiot. We got to Leegomery in the end, and then we needed petrol. Which Nick had to do.
Oh dear...
Anyway, we got to the Royal Victoria Hotel in the end. To find our companions (read Ash and Zoe) weren't. So we gave them a ring. They were still hungover from the night before (shots of Sambuka, Malibu and God only knows what else will do that to you). So they came over.
And we laughed, and drank (well, Nick did. Zoe and Ash are sworn off alcohol, I tee-total, and Victoria was driving Nick home). We messed around, trying to get ice down each others tops, sitting on each other (read Nick sitting on me) (at which point Nick tipped his cider onto my face, leading to much spluttering from me), talking about every subject under the sun, fighting about music and all sorts I sat with Nick's arm around me for a large portion of the evening, and even sat in a rather awkward position on top of him (my neck killed, but I wasn't complaining).
We went for a kebab (as is our custom) on the way home.
We drove back to Leegomery, and when we reached Grainger Drive I put my hand on Nick's shoulder and he HELD IT. I am happyness.

So then he tells me he was more tipsy then usual after four pints on MSN. Ah well, it was good while it lasted

Anyway, I'm heading off to bed. I have my theory test in the afternoon and need to be well slept!
Love always!

I'm going tonight
I have already handled the book (we had them delivered at work).
These are good things.

Victoria is driving.
Victoria is forcing us to go in costume. This is sad. Mort, who will be there, thinks this is equally sad as I do.
These are bad things.
Especially as TV cameras might be there.

I've been preoccupied recently, haven't I? (So would you be if your crush kept on referring to you as "my dear Jess", "my lovely Jessie" and generally being a bastard about it all, and you were still in love with your ex.)
I want to tell you some things I haven't blogged about, yet are so important, or so trivial, I think you deserve to know.

I got my provisional license and booked my theory test. Wow! I'm very excited and just can't wait to get in a car! Yippee! This is a very important thing, you need to know
I am going to Connecticut in less than two weeks. I cannot wait for this! Yay!

Yay!

Then the trivial things. I got a new game for my Wii yesterday. Wario Smooth Moves. It's good fun, but I'm having trouble getting on it to play, what with large amounts of work, and an addicted sister.
I go to the pub every Monday now, it's good fun. Ash and me started it, then Zoe wanted to come (Ash's girl, and a little insecure. Even though I am the girl she trusts more than anyone else). Victoria invited herself along, and then we invited Sam to spice things up a little. Good fun.

Ah dear, there is so much to tell you about my life. Yet my focus is a little wavered sometimes, I understand. Apologies.

Another blog. A little more self-pity in this one, so if you don't like that sort of thing, you can leave. Now.
Why does Nick not realise when he's hurting me? He'll say something innocent like "You know I love you to bits" but each word is like a spear through my heart (Yes, I am quite melodramatic. But believe me, it's a physical pain. The feelings of falling in love and being heartbroken are remarkably similar. That shooting pain through your chest, y'know.).
He has taught me so much, I've changed since I've known him. And yet all that stood between us was my conscience and my habit of loving too much. You see, if I hadn't been dating James when I was so close to Nick, I'd've kissed him and something might've happened. And if I didn't love him to much not to risk the friendship, I'd also have told him how I really feel.
Why does Fate/God/my own choices get in my way at every turn? Is there something else I am meant for? Or is James the person Fate intends me to be with? Even though he found it so hard and caused my heart to rip in pieces...

Gah.

I'm sorry to everyone who's been experiencing my aggressiveness recently.
I'm sorry to my mother, who suffers that more than anyone, and whom I often fail to appreciate like I should.
I'm sorry to my family, who suffer me more than anyone else- especially my nan who generally gets a large portion of my argumentative streak, and my sister who is the most amazing sister I could ever have.
I'm sorry to Nick, whose friendship I can never be satisfied with.
I'm sorry to James, who I in turn insult and compliment in my head.
I'm sorry to all my friends who have to suffer my ever varying moods, and my incessant talking about absolute drivel, with special mention to Ash and Zoe.

I'm sorry to everyone. About everything.

It's been a while since I've blogged, hasn't it? (Take into account my warped sense of time- I've been known to refer to things that happened three years ago as "the other day").
I guess my mind reels over the same old things every day now, there's never much new. Nothing interesting happens at work so it would make dull reading.
But today and yesterday were different.
Yesterday Julie said she was going to miss me when I go to Uni.
Yesterday I went down the pub with Ash and we met a lovely gentleman (although very drunk and very...lower class) by name of Ted Chambers. He has two brothers (Mervin and...Charlie Chambers...aka Charlie fucking Chambers, who taught him how to fight) and two sisters (Dorothy? And Margaret). He is a lorry driver and can drive anywhere. He thinks I'm a mature young woman and appear older than my years. He also thinks Ash will be the father of my children, which met to giggles and a "I hope not, he's dating another girl" from me, and a horrified look from Ash. Classic.
Today I had my hair cut.
Today I talked to James and Nick at the same time and it killed me inside once more. Nick talking about Miss Jackie Prior and how he won't go in a short term relationship with her (like fuck I care...) and generally being the amazing (yet in love with another girl) guy I know. And today he wasn't a dick at all, he was perfect. And I cried, because James was acting like we were still going out. We used to use a (lala) emote and I refused to do it, on principle, and he was encouraging me to do it and I wanted to I really did because I do love him and Nick is so obviously not in love with me I can love two guys, can't I?

And I have a stomach ache that seems to have no cause. Which is annoying.

*cries, and signs off*

I don't know what to say here anymore.
My days are full of nothing right now, except more of the same.
Everything I feel has been blogged about a hundred times.

And then I read Becky's March '04 blogs and see how they exiled Nick and I want to take him and hug him and yet I still know how much I hate him. I want to tell him so badly, but I can't. The risk factor is too high now, and after the Nick-bashing sessions with Becky, I can't risk my friendships, can I? I was only originally friends because I wanted to be close to Nick, but now I love them in their own right. Dan, Jim, Tall Dan, Tom, Becky, Kels, even Matt, God love him. And I don't know what to do.

And Zoe came over armed with a massive block of chocolate and complained to me about her boyfriend and we had a good boy bashing session (James, Nick, Sam, Luke and Ash all featured).

Why can't life just be easy. Just once. Why can't he say something to me instead of telling me everytime we talk how it's going with Jackie, or Tesco-Girl or anyone...

How can you love someone so much you hate them?
And more, how can you do this to two people at the same time?
And why can a simple episode of Grey's Anatomy drive me to tears?

And why is there no-one I trust enough to confide in about James? The only time was Katie at that party because it was only days after and I could almost feel my soul shattering, the pieces falling right down to my toes. Some know I had a long distance relationship... I daren't tell Nick, or Dave, and Matt just keeps putting it off while insulting Steph...

Oh God...just give me a shoulder to cry on. Someone who won't give me advice, or criticise me, someone who will just let me cry and let me scream and let me cry and...please...

Dear James,
It's been so long since I really told you how I felt, hasn't it?
Our conversations these days tend to be like they were when we were inseperable, during the fight against Paul, you know, just flitting from topic to topic, covering everyting from politics to postal services to pets. Just less about love.
Yet you're no longer the best friend you were. When we started our long distance relationship, there was mutual, unspoken, consent that we would tell no-one and enjoy each other. And we did, for many months. The friendship we had developed naturally into love- it's a one way process.
You didn't love me enough to carry on through the distance. I said December I could come and visit you, the first firm date I'd managed- you knew the situation, my parents weren't going to let me fly to the US alone until I was at Uni and didn't have to tell them, and you couldn't afford to come and see me. But then, when my heart was soaring, you sent it crashing down to earth. "It's not working" you said, you couldn't deal with the long distance. I had to force you into saying no. I said love was blind, I hadn't seen it, but that's not true. I'd seen it coming, but done everything I could think of to ignore it, and then, once I could ignore it no longer, to fix it.
You're still the guy who I imagine sleeping next to me at night, the guy who I dream of every time my eyes close. You're not the guy who I tell everything, because if I did, that would push you further away. Admitting to you I'm still in love with you would drive you further away, you'd say that until I'm over you, our relationship as friends is best put on hold. And that, I could not deal with.
I imagine your arms around me, and know that I never felt your lips on mine, your arms keeping me safe, when that's all I wanted for so long. Even now the tears well up and I miss you. I miss you so much.
Why don't you miss me? Did you ever love me? Was there another girl, someone with flesh and blood that you could hold?
I loved you, and still do, even over 3,000 miles.
If I can do that, why couldn't you.
Why why why, so many questions, and no answers.
I love you, now and forever.
Jessica xxx

So Nick is being a swine again, refusing to go out with me because I won't drink (sorry dude, but I'm tee-total and you know it. How do you expect me to get home if I'm drunk).
James is being his usual elusive self.
Dad is being a twat, accusing me of doing things wrong when he asked me to show him how to do something. SORRY, but if you're so FUCKING CLEVER, do it yourself.
Ash went out with me last night and I ended up walking him home drunk.
The drunk guy at the Vic last night stripped. In a pub. All I wanted was a quiet drink.
The twat of a manager didn't throw the bastard out!

Are all men like this? Or am I just unlucky?

And why am I so willing to accept Nick (in particular) even with all his faults? Is it because that's what my mom does? Just accept Dad no matter what he does, puts up with it?

Argh. I want to sleep.

Yes, it was last night when we had our final get together (minus Sally, who happens to be in Devon, Nicolle, who couldn't afford it, Chloe, who is with her Dad, and Katie W, who is doing her mysterious Thursday afternoon activities).
We had so much fun! We all (well, Katie B, Beth, Sam, Becky and me) met at the station in Wellington and we caught the train for free
We got there in the end and we sat and waited for half an hour for Jo to turn up She bought us all drinks and we started with some disgusting chinese soup stuff. Ew.
The service was excellent though, if they took your plate away thirty seconds after you'd finished, that was late! It was so funny, Jo was whispering to me and Becky "it's been half a minute and my plate is still here" and the guy was walking up behind her ready to take the plate!
We tried a bit of lots of different foods, though quite a few of us declined the seaweed and the squid, and Katie's reaction when she saw the crab claws was just picture perfect. Unfortunately, I didn't catch it with my disposable camera! I am not a huge fan of chinese, but I managed to eat quite a bit (yay for chips) by taking teeny tiny portions of everything.
Once we'd had our main course, we started on the pudding! Chocolate cake, ice-cream, jelly, melon, there was all sorts and I think everyone had at least two! We then proceeded to sit around chatting about everything from French politics to vibrators and general boy bashing.
Becky admitted who she fancied, a lad whom I have no small crush on myself (a certain Mr Newport), which was not great for me, and when we started Nick-bashing...that was not good. I defended him to the end, as I do, but even I have to admit that he is going at least slightly off the rails. All you have to do is say one thing wrong and he starts yelling at you. Unfortunately, having liked him for so long this one fault cannot change my liking and I still care much for him. I want to be the one that changes him, that calms him down, but I know (having lived with my father for seventeen years, give or take a few months) that it could take years. Having a relationship with a guy like Nick, or my dad, is difficult. I know this, yet still want to do it! Why?
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. There are many photos which I shall soon be uploading (along with the Alton Towers ones), as soon as it stops raining and I can go down to Boots to get them developed.
At the end I started crying, because I'm a wuss and will rarely see these guys again, the people who made French what it was (The 'Ros-bifs' or 'Frenchies'). So we ran to the train station (having decided the later train was a better option) and the conductor told us we couldn't buy tickets on the train.
Uh huh. Since when?
So he made us run down to the ticket machine, which wouldn't accept our money! He came down a minute later and said the "train is here, get on board. Just don't do it again" so we started muttering about him, got on the train and didn't even have to pay for tickets. So I was the only one shelled out either way, which I was not happy with!
Ah well

I went to the dentist today. Off I skipped, happy as larry- I do like going.
Or rather, I did like going.
Today I went, complained about the slight pain I've got bottom left, and he says...
"YOu need to use mouthwash, stop eating those fizzy cola things [aka my favourite sweets in the whole wide world], come to me for some [insert dentist sounding language here] on the ninth of July"

Bastard.

So I promptly went home via Little Sweeties and got myself some chocolate raisins to cheer myself up.

Off to the chinese tonight for some more cheering up with the Frenchies

Hi Nick.
I'm sorry about yesterday, when we split into two groups and I didn't call, but what could I do?
I'm going to tell you the heart-wrenching truth.
You see, when we went, I did volunteer to call you, but I was the only one in our group who fancied doing so. Becky especially was against the idea, you having annoyed her best friend by speeding ahead and arguing with another of her good friends, Dan.
Everyone wanted to leave you guys behind, especially you.
And I am deeply sorry, but I wanted our day at Alton to be perfect. My last day seeing some of these people perhaps, and I didn't want it ruined. Even at the expense of not seeing you- this day was going to be perfect.
So we carried on, and queuing for Nemesis the second time around, the group turned to insulting you. I defended you Nick. I was on your side, because I know you've got your faults, but I love you for them. In your own words, it's the imperfections we fall in love with.
I've always tried to be a part of the group, and if that means I have to agree to Becky's insane requests, it's what I'll do. Eighteen months ago I did that only so that I could be near you...now it has only changed in that some of the group are the first real friends I've ever had. Don't make me lose that. You are the most important in my mind, yes, the other think you think that you are "God's gift to the Universe" (to quote one of them) and I agree. But in my opinion, it is justified as you are amazing. Passionate in either anger or love, kind, generous and above all, an amazing driver.
I can't apologise more, and I wish you would not hate me for it. It wasn't bitchiness on my part, it was a wish for the perfect day. And we found each other at the end. Is that not enough?
Love always
Jessica xxx

Woo!
Gotta love Alton Towers!
Whether it's playing "I spy" (Cumulus Nimbus is a fair spy, someone back me up on this) on the journey, playing charades on the journey home with the car behind (consisting of Odelle, Martin, Dan and Pils) or actually going to the Park, it's good fun.
The floods held us up a little, especially on the way back (who knew the traffic in Stafford was so bad...and then we went back through it when we found the road was blocked) but we got through it OK- although Becky did comment on Kelly's driving through flood water
Mostly the day consisted of tension when we were all together, as everyone hated Nick (he argued with Dan and drove far too fast on the way) (except me, who did my best to side with everyone, which wasn't going to happen. I settled for a "Nick wasn't completely in the right, but he wasn't completely in the wrong either"). Kelly in particular wasn't happy with Nick, which meant Becky wasn't. The splitting up put Nick in a bad mood, probably cos he wanted to be with Becky (who actually only didn't try and find them because she didn't want to see Nick as she hates him and was pleased he was wound up). I did want to be with him, but didn't. When Kels went home (with Becky and Sammy?) we regrouped and went to the Rapids (where we all got soaked, but got a damn good picture) and the Runaway Mine Train, where Nick and me did our best to squish each other up (OW...that hurt...NOT! Loser!) hehe!
Anyway, the chronologicalness of this blog is completely out, so I shall continue like that
Martin had never been to Alton Towers before, so we spent a lot of time takig him on the best rides, and, of course Hex. Dual, I beat him at, which I was very proud of He sulked for a while but consented to give me a hug anyway.
We went on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (incorporating the Great Glass Elevator)...without Dave and Martin, and got stuck. Was pretty boring, but we rocked the boat and stuff which was quite funny!
Nemesis and Air were their usual awesome selves, especially because Dan and Martin had been on neither before, so it was good fun! Rita: Queen of Speed (It goes a metre every three seconds!!!) was the same, but to be fair, that ride is such an anti-climax. You have a sudden burst of speed, then it loops a few times, goes round a few corners...whatever. And they took away the surprise
Dave got us lost in the gardens
Ah dear, I could go on, but there were so many good quotes (QUOTE OF THE DAY) that I just have to tell you some of them!

The rapids...they're wet...(Martin)
You. Lake. Me. Push. CUMULUS FUCKING NIMBUS (Dave)
OW...that hurt...NOT! Loser! (Me)
The park benches...underwater...WOW! (Chris? Dave?)
*lots of random high pitched noises* (Chris...who can go far too high for a guy)
Nemesis...that's the Nut Cruncher isn't it? (Dan)
This place...it smells like the changing rooms at Phoenix School. (Chris, in regards to Hex)
I swear that says "He made the desert smile" (Me)

Pils: Nemesis...painful. Comes of being a guy.
Chris: I didn't think it was that painful.
Me: Yeah...exactly
*everyone laughs, then Dave interrupts*
Dave: Nah, not that painful
*everyone looks at Dave*

We can't forget regular references to "The Car of Death" (aka my fave Corsa), Cumulus Nimbus (and regular attempts to murder me, or threats on my life) and shortbread

Hehe...what an awesome day. When I get the pictures, I shall upload so you can see the awesome people I spent the day with

Yay!

P.S. There may be some edits to this blog entry as I remember cool quotes...and read Becky's blog!

Oh Christ.

I am going skating tomorrow, with Ash. I thought 'the more the merrier', and, since Zoe won't come, asked Vicky, encouraging her to invite a friend.

I got a call at 11.30 last night (bearing in mind I had an early night in order to facilitate rise and shine ready for seven o'clock work) from...Nick. Asking why he wasn't invited.

Why did I say he could come if he wanted to?

This cannot end well.

He has an exam later tomorrow though, so he probably won't come around after with the others.

Oh dear.